


Just one more time

by Kurohebiii



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Character Death, Crying, Death, Gen, It's a very minor mention but I still need to tag it, Mental Breakdown, Minor Original Character(s), Sibling Love, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-24
Updated: 2020-08-24
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:49:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26077489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kurohebiii/pseuds/Kurohebiii
Summary: Osamu wanted nothing more in the world than to see his brother again
Relationships: Miya Atsumu & Miya Osamu
Comments: 12
Kudos: 147





	Just one more time

**Author's Note:**

> Haha SOOOO I was going through a whole lot so this is sorta a vent fic because I didn't know how else to express my feelings ehh
> 
> I'm so bad at summaries
> 
> I also apologise if u see grammar mistakes look away pls :)
> 
> Please be mindful of the tags and enjoy

He never thought he'd find himself here.

Osamu watched as everyone moved around him, it felt like he was watching a timelapse of people moving blindly past him, he couldn't focus his attention on a singular person, and everything looked like a black and white blur. 

He felt a hand on his shoulder, and looked to see Kita looking intensely into his eyes, not saying one word as he gripped even tighter onto Osamu's shoulder. Osamu tried to say something- anything really- he opened his mouth but no sound came out, and Kita scrunched his eyebrows in worry and brought Osamu into a hug. The gray haired boy could feel Kita grip the back of his suit, as if he was trying to hold onto Osamu forever. He didn't even have the energy to hug the bicolored hair boy back, his arms remaining slack by his sides. Eventually he felt Kita slowly let go, and In his place came Suna, who disheveled Osamu's hair by grabbing onto the back of his head and bringing it to his chest.

And just like that, people upon people greeted him in a blur, either with a desperate hug, or with the same repetitive and depressing phrases, all the same variation of,

"I'm sorry for your loss"

"he's in a better place now" 

or the sentence that made him especially rigid

"He loved you so much."

He wished he can scream for all these people to leave, he wishes he was alone, and most of all

He wished that his brother was here right now

Osamu watched the service go on, it felt extremely long but at the same time, everything moved too fast for his mind to keep up. He watched as different people stood up to speak about Atsumu, be it a funny anecdote, or how the person felt about him, or how lucky they were to have him in their life. He watched people like his mother, Suna, Kita, and even Hinata Shoyo from Karasuno come up and speak about his twin.

And before he knew it, his body was moving towards the stand, his hands shaking, and a wrinkled piece of paper shaking along with him.

Osamu felt bile rise in his throat and he harshly swallowed it down, he knows he shouldn't be so nervous, just read the words on the paper, that's all he had to do.

yet

he feels like ripping the paper in half, he wanted to open the casket and sob into Atsumu's cold chest, he wanted to scream at everyone there that it should've been him, he felt like taking his own life right then and there on the stand, but he couldn't do any of that. So instead, he read the pre written words on the crumpled paper, slowly and almost without feeling, he didn't even feel a single tear fall down his face.

And as he reached the end of his speech, he felt himself trail off, his voice stuttering, as he felt bile rising again. Osamu reads the last line at a snail's pace, he feels as soon as he says the last word, that it's over, and he'd have to say goodbye to his brother forever

He knows that he will never be able to truly let Atsumu go

He reads the last word aloud with extreme hesitance

"Love."

Osamu feels his heart clench, so tight he can't even breathe. His body once again moves on its own as he leaves the stand, his mind eternally screaming at him to go back, as if Atsumu would be waiting for him if he turned around right now, but his body is already sitting back down in his seat, between his mother and Kita.

The service finishes and it seemed like everyone snaps out of a trance, and it's suddenly a lighter mood, everyone saying goodbye and laughing, as if it was a wedding and not the funeral of his brother

Osamu wants to scream at everyone in violent anger. How dare they? How dare they live their life so happily and carefree when Atsumu's own life ended so prematurely? He knows that it's irrational, but he can't help but let his mind roam. He lets his thoughts consume his senses until he can't even hear the people socializing around him.

He feels a hand on his cheek, and all the thoughts quiet down to almost an unhearable volume. He looks up to see his mother's clouded and sad eyes, and then he looks around and notices that everyone else had already left, it was only him and his mother now.

And it will be just the two of them from now on 

...

Later that night Osamu finally arrives home, walking into his once shared room, and shutting the door softly behind him. His eyes are instantly drawn over to Atsumu's bed, and to the small fox plushie that he got when they were younger. Osamu had always made fun of Atsumu for keeping it all these years. 

It would be so nice just to mess with him 

just one more time

He smiles softly at the thought, and he moves to sit down on Atsumu's bed grabbing the little orange fox and bringing it to touch his forehead

He couldn't keep it in anymore

His breathing got heavier and heavier as the warm, salty tears came falling fast down his face, wetting his cheeks, and collecting underneath his chin. His small hiccups turned into gut retching sobs, and he was openly weeping now, unable to stop. He moved the fox from his forehead, and brought it to his chest burying his face into the plushie, hugging it tightly as he rocked his shaking form back and forth.

He doesn't keep track of how long he cried for Atsumu, or how many times he called Atsumu's name in anguish, with some childish hope he'd come through the bedroom door and ask him why he's crying with a quizzical look on his face.

And after for who knows how long, Osamu's bawling slowed into painful hiccups, His head pounding and feeling like it could split open.

He pulled the tear soaked fox from his chest, and brought it to eye level. The twin stared at the plushie, still with hiccups racking his body, and he slowly brought the metaphorical forehead of the fox toy to his lips.

Osamu wanted nothing more in the world than to be able to kiss brother's forehead again, to hug him close, and to tell him he loves him

Just one more time.

.  
.  
.  
.  
.

**Author's Note:**

> :3
> 
> Come talk to me on Twitter @kurohebiii


End file.
